The G Word
by PageMisstress
Summary: Joey has something to tell his dad. Starring Joey and non-abusive!non-alcoholic!non-drugaddict!non-psycho-killer!totally normal!Mr. Wheeler, because I was getting annoyed at the Mr. Wheeler hate. mentions of JoeyxKaiba


Joey opened the door and wandered into the apartment.

"Dad, I'm home!" His father peered over the top of the newspaper at him. Mr. Wheeler shared his son's lanky build and long legs, which were currently thrown haphazardly over the coffee table. His hair was in its usual perpetual state of disarray, much like Joey's, but was dark brown, not blonde, and much shorter.

"So I see. How was school?"

"S'okay." Joey opened the fridge, looking for a snack.

"Dad?"

"Yuhuh?" Mr. Wheeler had already gone back to his paper.

"Why is there beer in the fridge?"

"Because the champagne was too expensive." Joey rolled his eyes.

"Can I have some?"

"No."

"Why not?" Mr. Wheeler came into the room and dropped the paper on the counter.

"You're too young."

"Yugi's grandpa lets him drink it."

"And look how he turned out- he looks like a fourth grader and his hair is on steroids." They grinned; Joey grabbed an apple and shut the fridge door. His dad flicked him on the forehead.

"Ow, what was _that_ for?"

"When are you gonna get a girlfriend? I'm beginning to worry about you." The apple turned to ash in Joey's mouth. Damn, damn, damn, _damn. _He'd been meaning to tell his dad this, now was as good a time as any, but...

"Dad, I'm gay." Mr. Wheeler raised an eyebrow.

"Are you really or are you just saying that to get me to stop asking that question?"

"I... I really am." He didn't seem mad, but sometimes it was hard to-

_Flick. _

"OW! Hey!"

"When are you gonna get a boyfriend, then? I'm beginning to worry about you." Joey stared at his dad.

"That's it?"

"What's it?"

"I'm _gay!_"

"So I heard."

"Why are you acting like its no big deal?"

"Is it a big deal?"

"Yes! No! I don't know!"

"Okay," the man said voice calm, face deadpan. "I hate you, you freak of nature, get out of my house right now, I never want to see you again. Better?"

"No!"

"Then what _do_ you want me to say?"

"I don't know!" Joey sighed. "I just... thought you'd be mad."

"Why would I be mad? It's your choice." He ruffled Joey's hair. "Dumbass."

"If I am, it's your fault. You and your genes." They went back into the living room and flopped down on the couch, father and son.

"So?"

"So what?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Which one?" Mr. Wheeler reached over and flicked his son on the forehead again.

"Ow!"

"That one." Joey went pink.

"Have a boyfriend." He muttered.

"What's his name?"

"Kaiba."

"Seto Kaiba?" Joey nodded. "The one you're damning to hell nine times out of ten when you walk through that door?" Another nod, along with a sheepish grin. "Huh. Well, the world works in mysterious ways." He said. "You slept with him yet?" Joeys face went the color of an overripe strawberry.

"_**What?!**_"

"It's a perfectly justified question. You are my son, and therefore it's my god given duty to poke my nose into your business. That and embarrass you in front of your friends." He added. Joey was still staring at him in horror.

"Well?"

"No. We haven't." Said Joey faintly, still in shock.

"Alright then. If and when you do, make sure you got enough condoms and lube, it hurts like a bitch without them." Joey's fingers began to go blue as all the blood in his body was transferred to his face.

"_**DAD!**_"

"What?"

"How the hell do you- No! No, I do _not_ want to know! Dad, that is disgusting! It's not funny!" He yelled, while Mr. Wheeler cracked up.

"Oh but it _is_, my boy, it truly is." Mr. Wheeler grinned as he stood, clapping his blushing son on the shoulder. "So, I'm thinking he should come on Saturday."

"Huh? Come to what? Who? Why?"

"Here, Kaiba, for dinner."

"What?! Why?"

"So I can meet him, obviously."

"**Why**?!" Mr. Wheeler threw his hands in the air.

"What is this, '_Twenty Questions'_? Because," he said, very slowly, as one would speak to an idiot. "He...is...your...boyfriend...and...I...want...to...meet...him. " Despair filled Joey, and he used his ultimate weapon.

"Don't you go all pouty on me young man, he's coming over for dinner and that is final." Joey scowled. His father ruffled his hair and grinned. "C'mon, what's wrong? It'll be fun." The younger Wheeler didn't answer, only grumbled angrily to himself.

"Boy, are you a pain in the ass."

"Funny," said Joey, smiling wryly. "I was just about to say the same thing."


End file.
